Monster
noun
- a large, ugly, and frightening imaginary creature.
- a thing of extraordinary or daunting size.
verb
- criticize or reprimand severely.
August 23 - Eleven months, twenty-four day
Connor describes his own father as a Monster. Ann finally sees the monster being unleashed, when Connor's father destroys the porch, he himself and his wife built the month before. Connor's mother, Nancy, is crying and begging her husband, Jack to stop. Ann doesn't understand how she is capable to do that, because she is afraid of him.
Connor's mother has nothing left. She is invisible and her eyes are empty. She is not yet fifty, but she has gray hair and deep lines in her face, and there is a sadness about her that never leaves. Nancy is haunted by her life.
Ann is afraid that by looking into Nancy's eyes she will see herself.
Being Invisible is a choice. By being invisible you learn to be quiet and not to react. Because those who choose to be invisible, do it because they are afraid. They are afraid that by being visible, they will be even more exposed to the horrifying world that they are in right now. By saying or doing something wrong, a mistake , can trigger something, which can cause the bomb to ignite.
Those people who decide to be invisible lose alot in life. They feel empty, which makes their eyes look dull and deserted. By feeling empty you lose sense of life and you start to become best friends with the only thing you know, sadness.
To continue surviving in this world you call "Home", you must make alot of sacrifices. Firstly putting the other person needs in front of yours.
That is the right thinking, but you should never just think about them and forget about yourself.
That is a thing I needed to understand myself. I never understood why I must take care of myself. I only thought about him. Always. He took this for his advantage and used it against me. He used his mind games to manipulate me in thinking if I don't do it, I don't love him. I always wanted to prove him wrong. That made me lose the Battle I never knew I was fighting in.
The moral of the story is: "Never just put your significant other before yourself. As you are as important as them."
Ann is in her bed with Connor. She stares at the mosaic heart she made for Connor. The heart is a metaphor. The glass shards symbolises Ann. Each of the piece is another piece of herself she gave to Connor.
There are small pieces and big ones. The glass aren't all perfect. They have edges, splitters, rough edges but also smooth ones.
This is the way a person should be. Nobody is perfect. By being imperfect, you become perfect. Ironic right?
By putting all the imperfections together you get a heart that is whole. It is never perfect but so beautiful and pure.
To bad she didn't keep any pieces for herself.
I gave him everything I had. But he hated me for my imperfections. He wanted me to be perfect. I had to be as perfect as those princesses in the fairytale books. But that's not me. I am not perfect. I am weird at times, when I am happy, I dance and sing. When I am sad, I cry and talk about the problems I have. But with him, I wasn't allowed to do so. I was not allowed to be happy without him. And i was not allowed to cry. At all.
Ann wonders whether Connor realizes what the heart stands for. I wonder whether he did too.
Connor promises Ann that he will never let anyone hurt her, especially not his own father. Ann knows that Jack, Connor's father don't hurt her through his own hands, but through the hands of Connor. She says that inside of Connor's monster mind, lays a helpless little kid that is stuck inside.
Me knowing that in the mind of my ex boyfriend lays also a young child who is helpless and clueless.
His past affects the way he thought at that time. He was hurt by his own mother. Betrayed at a young age. Sadden because of this. I am not here to mock him. I want to forgive him.
John Greens book "Looking for Alaska" deals with a topic that got me thinking for a while. "How do you escape the labyrinth of suffering? The only way out is by forgiving."
I am trying to forgive him even though he did things to me I will never be able to forget, that's the reason why I won't name him. He knows who he is, but you dont need to know.
Ann has surrendered and waved her white flag. So have I.
How about you? Would you have done the same?
Connor's mother has nothing left. She is invisible and her eyes are empty. She is not yet fifty, but she has gray hair and deep lines in her face, and there is a sadness about her that never leaves. Nancy is haunted by her life.
Ann is afraid that by looking into Nancy's eyes she will see herself.
Being Invisible is a choice. By being invisible you learn to be quiet and not to react. Because those who choose to be invisible, do it because they are afraid. They are afraid that by being visible, they will be even more exposed to the horrifying world that they are in right now. By saying or doing something wrong, a mistake , can trigger something, which can cause the bomb to ignite.
Those people who decide to be invisible lose alot in life. They feel empty, which makes their eyes look dull and deserted. By feeling empty you lose sense of life and you start to become best friends with the only thing you know, sadness.
To continue surviving in this world you call "Home", you must make alot of sacrifices. Firstly putting the other person needs in front of yours.
That is the right thinking, but you should never just think about them and forget about yourself.
That is a thing I needed to understand myself. I never understood why I must take care of myself. I only thought about him. Always. He took this for his advantage and used it against me. He used his mind games to manipulate me in thinking if I don't do it, I don't love him. I always wanted to prove him wrong. That made me lose the Battle I never knew I was fighting in.
The moral of the story is: "Never just put your significant other before yourself. As you are as important as them."
The story continues after the fight at Connor's parents house
Ann is in her bed with Connor. She stares at the mosaic heart she made for Connor. The heart is a metaphor. The glass shards symbolises Ann. Each of the piece is another piece of herself she gave to Connor.There are small pieces and big ones. The glass aren't all perfect. They have edges, splitters, rough edges but also smooth ones.
This is the way a person should be. Nobody is perfect. By being imperfect, you become perfect. Ironic right?
By putting all the imperfections together you get a heart that is whole. It is never perfect but so beautiful and pure.
To bad she didn't keep any pieces for herself.
I gave him everything I had. But he hated me for my imperfections. He wanted me to be perfect. I had to be as perfect as those princesses in the fairytale books. But that's not me. I am not perfect. I am weird at times, when I am happy, I dance and sing. When I am sad, I cry and talk about the problems I have. But with him, I wasn't allowed to do so. I was not allowed to be happy without him. And i was not allowed to cry. At all.
Ann wonders whether Connor realizes what the heart stands for. I wonder whether he did too.
Connor promises Ann that he will never let anyone hurt her, especially not his own father. Ann knows that Jack, Connor's father don't hurt her through his own hands, but through the hands of Connor. She says that inside of Connor's monster mind, lays a helpless little kid that is stuck inside.
Me knowing that in the mind of my ex boyfriend lays also a young child who is helpless and clueless.
His past affects the way he thought at that time. He was hurt by his own mother. Betrayed at a young age. Sadden because of this. I am not here to mock him. I want to forgive him.
John Greens book "Looking for Alaska" deals with a topic that got me thinking for a while. "How do you escape the labyrinth of suffering? The only way out is by forgiving."
I am trying to forgive him even though he did things to me I will never be able to forget, that's the reason why I won't name him. He knows who he is, but you dont need to know.
Ann has surrendered and waved her white flag. So have I.
How about you? Would you have done the same?
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