Introduction

Hello!

Firstly I would like to introduce myself. My name is Vanessa. I am a girl of 18 years. I have gone through things, that not many 18 year olds have. I would like would to share with you my experience. The biggest lesson, I have learned in my 18 years of living.

But instead of just writing my experience, I wanted to try out something new. I got this book called, "But I love him" by Amanda Grace.

'But I love him' is about a girl called Ann. She was a smiling, straight-A- student and track star was friends and a future. Until she met a haunted young man named Conner. Only she can heal his emotional scars, while only he can make her feel so loved - and needed. The perfect relationship she had with him was long gone. The man she first fell in love with disappeared, as just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything - and everyone - in its path.

The book deals with emotional and physical abuse. The kind of abuse no one in life should ever experience. No matter if it's a child-abuse, bullying at school or even at a workplace, Abuse is the worse thing you could do to anybody.


So lets start shall we? 

August 30 - One year

Ann describes the Aftermath of the fight. She says "My chest is hallow and empty, as if he ripped out my heart and took it with him when he left [...] All i feel is pain"
What I want to say about this is, that my Ex boyfriend made me feel like I was nothing. My chest was empty, my thoughts were empty and my heart, it felt nothing but pain. Feeling pain is one of the worst feeling you can feel. But quoting John Greens book "The fault in our stars" , he says: ''Thats the thing about pain. It demands to be felt."
There are different degrees of pain:

1. Pain caused by losing someone you know/ loved
2. Pain caused by emotional stress
3. Pain caused by physical stress
4. Pain caused by a heartbreak or a lost love

but the worst type of pain is:
   
     5. Pain caused by someone you love

As you can see pain will always be there. It can be disguised and it might hit you when you least expect it.

After the fight, Ann sits alone in the darkness, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace. She understands that, No one can protect her because she pushed them all away. She lost everything, she gave him everything but he gave her nothing back in return. She knows she lost herself.
I myself did the same mistake. I loved that guy alot. Because of that love, it blinded me. It blinded my actions, my thinking and the worst thing of all, my heart. I gave him everything I had. I gave up my friends, my hobbys, even my family. We thought "its us against the world" but I never expected the world to be against me.
Being with him, I longed for the love I dearly seeked for. The love that was never there to begin with. The foolish youngness of my youth, thinking finding true love is the most important thing you must find. I was foolish, I know that now, but telling the 16 year old Vanessa what stupid thing she is doing, you wouldn't have gotten far.
Ann lost herself, I myself, lost myself. How could we be so foolish to not believe in the greater good?